this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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