I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
