What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
