Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
