i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i think i just lost a toe
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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