How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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