...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I am one with the molecules
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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