Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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