Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
is it fun? or sober?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
