we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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