I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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