I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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