i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
