Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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