Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
