Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
