anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
