I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
