Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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