I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
