Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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