i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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