her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
