I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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