It's like a parade of train wrecks.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
