For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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