He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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