Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
