My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
