Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
