Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
