Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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