it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
