They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
