based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
