it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
