when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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