the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
