at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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