i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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