I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
