I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
