Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
