my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
