M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
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she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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