WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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