i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
