just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
