My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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