Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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