some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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