Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Dick very happy bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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