your parents love me but you hate me
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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