how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
