nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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