Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
