Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
