i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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