Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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