i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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