Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
