you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
