I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
