Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
