My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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