If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
