Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
