I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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