omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
