stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
