When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
