Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
