I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
