You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
