wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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