Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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