let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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