I love black thongs
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
